Theranos Creates Plan To Develop New COVID Vaccine
In a voice two octaves lower than that of Morgan Freeman, Holmes replied, "I'll take up that offer."
SAN JOSE - After Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes was recently found guilty of defrauding millions from her investors, she had given up all notions of ever working as part of the pharmaceutical industry again. That was, until a representative from Pfizer had approached her following the trial verdict.
"Psst, Elizabeth!" shouted the representative discreetly, trying to match Holmes' walking pace. "Wanna be pfriends?"
Holmes paid no attention.
The representative squeezed through the legs of the bodyguards, telling her, "I have a really exciting new opportunity for you in the pharma industry! And I can pay for your $50 bail!"
Holmes' ears perked up, but still did not glance his direction. "What," she grumbled.
"I'm from Pfizer. See, we've had a lot of trust issues with the public. Even though everyone in Hollywood, mainstream media, and the federal and local governments are telling its listeners to get our safe and effective clot shot, a lot of people still aren't willing to participate in our global science experiment."
"Okay, and?" queried Holmes.
"Well, we think Theranos would be the perfect company to start producing a new COVID vaccine. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman that knows how to deepen your voice to sound more credible to people. You seem like someone the American public and investors can trust." He winked.
In a voice two octaves lower than that of Morgan Freeman, Holmes replied, "I'll take up that offer."
Over the next six months, Theranos created and developed its own COVID vaccine. It was immediately approved by the FDA to show solidarity with female CEOs.
As the Theranos vaccines were being rolled out, jab-hesitant people lined up for miles in the snow to get it. When Holmes was asked to speculate how she managed to change the minds of so many people, she replied that it was a matter of being a trustworthy person that could surely deliver on her promises - in addition to the fact that recipients would only need one drop of the vial liquid instead of the whole vaccine to be effective.